Yes, your daughter goes to college now. She has a new set of friends. But she still does think of you as her first best friend, and she always will. Trust her when she says her friends are nice. Be proud of her when she does good at what she likes doing. Be sure to tell her that.
Don't punish her for liking a boy in her class. You know she'll never take the step and talk to him because you won't like the fact that she has a boyfriend. No matter how happy that'll make her, she'll not do it. She still thinks of you as her first best friend. She values your opinion.
When she fails, hold her and tell her that its okay. The world hasn't ended, and that you believe that she'll be okay again. But tell her this only if you know it's the truth, don't give her false hopes to cling on to. Cause she still thinks of you her first best friend, she values your opinion.
Try knowing what her favorite band is. See if they have an album coming out around her birthday. See what kind of books she is currently reading. Try to know what is influencing her opinions.
Before you tell her that she has no value for gifts, be sure you know what she'll love to have for a gift. You haven't raised a materialistic chic for a daughter, so don't value the gift by its cost. She doesn't care. A nice card with meaningful words will make her equally happy.
If she is more comfortable talking to a guy friend than a girl, don't be alarmed. Guys are just as nice as the girls, and it's minus the bitchiness.
Believe her when she says she is sorry. She really doesn't like to see you hurt. She'll do everything she can to make it up to you. But she has her limits. If you keep letting her know you think of her as good for nothing, she'll do nothing for you. Because she still thinks of you as her first best friend, she values your opinion.
Cherish her memories, keep her photos safe. Click a picture when you think she looks pretty. Let her know when you think she looks nice. She still thinks of you as her first best friend, she still values your opinions.
Forgive her, forget her mistakes. If you keep taking her back to all her mistakes, she do just that to you, and she'll do it ten times as bad. And remember, you started it. Don't tell her she is unwanted. She never had the choice, did she?
She is a teen, she has self image issues already, she really doesn't need you comparing her to other perfect girls. It will be very difficult for her to forgive you for doing that. Let her have that haircut she always wanted. Its just hair, it'll grow back!
Go to a movie she really wants to watch. Just once. Even if you don't like it. She'll tag along to plays you'd like to see, cause its a two way thing.
Give her a massage, plaid her hair, let her lie don't on your lap and gently pat her. Or she'll never be able to tell a mother's touch from someone else's. Don't squirm when she gives you hug. She is your own flesh and blood, isn't she?
Praise her in front of your friends. Or at least don't criticize her in front of them. I mean, really, how pathetic of a daughter could you have raised?
Give her a hug occasionally. Share her passions. She knows you don't like maths, and shes not going to teach you some, just tell you why she likes it. Try understand her passions. Her interests.
Try to be unbiased. Don't judge her from her past mistakes, she isn't perfect and she is learning from all her follies. Talk to her. Tell her what you think. She still thinks of you as her first best friend, she values your opinion.
Don't blame her for your dwindling marriage, you guys were fighting even before she was born. Don't be ruthless, watch what you say. She is learning from you, and she is learning fast. If you still are rude, get ready for ruthless questions. Questions that'll fill you with regret. Don't tell her you are 'suffering' in this marriage just because of her, she is not holding you back, your own cowardice is.
She listens to you every time you bitch about your in-laws, doesn't she? Even if that means you concluding that her "blood" is bad. Again, she never had the choice, did she?
Yes, she uses swear words, but she never does that in front of you or the little cousins. She is a little more cultured than you think. When the little cousins are rude to her, tell them off. She deserves at least that much respect, doesn't she? Don't bitch about her to other people or don't hate her if she does just that. She is a princess, treat her like one, only then will you be respected like the Queen.
If you don't love her, respect her, someday, someone else will. And when she knows that you never will, she'll take that decision and walk off. And she won't look back. Go to her prince, exclude you from her marriage and god forbid if she is your only child, you'll never meet your grandchildren, or see her home sweet home. If you want to know how that'll feel like, talk to your own mother. Ask her if she'd have liked not meeting your worthless daughter.
Its a two way thing, and know that she is trying her level best. But, it is a two way thing. She'll try, but she has her limits. You don't need to see an eye to eye on her thoughts, just know her line of thinking. Take time to understand it. Communicate. She'll be grateful for life.
All your princess needs is a hug and a smile and your warmth. See if you can do that much for her. After all, she still thinks of you as her first best friend, she still values your opinion.
-A daughter...
BlogPost dedicated to a magical someone ;)
