30 things...

Mostly for the newbee articles- More of a office-ly rant. Purposefully sly. Permission to take it with a pinch of salt is hereby granted.

1. Please stop asking stupid questions. Yes, your professors lied. There are stupid questions. And stop asking.
2. Don't come here with a mentality that everyone around will 'teach' you. You've come to learn, we get it, but we ain't here to "teach", honey.
3. Don't lie on your resume. If you say you went to a computer class, we'll think you know computers. And we will not "teach" you.
4. Don't cry.
5. Don't leave half eaten, half-to-the-floor food lying around. We will insult your parents' upbringing skills if you do that, then you'll cry. Refer rule 4.
6. Don't have tax study sessions with clients. Our knowledge is our product, don't dole out free samples.
7. Don't think "I'll write it down" is the solution to everything. How do you plan to find where you've written that one tiny point you are looking for? Ctrl+F on the notebook, eh?
8. Don't misplace files.
9. Don't misplace any papers. 
10. Don't misplace any stationary.
11. Use Deodorant.
12. Don't insult the 'cutting chai'.
13. Sit properly.
14. If your senior is being mean to you, then you probably are dumb. Because they've seen things from your perspective, and if they still chose to be mean, there is something wrong with you. Or your luck. But mostly you.
15. Act like you've really earned the qualification that qualified you to take up this job in the first place.
16. Don't say,"Because the senior told me to" in front of the boss. Because being told something will be better than not being told anything at all.
17. Don't peep into other people's monitors unless specifically told to do so.
18. NO JEANS on a Tuesday. Just NO.
19. Bring you own goddamn water bottle.
20. Learn backward computation work. Appreciate any senior who can patiently teach you that art.
21. If a senior/ boss takes the time to point out each of your mistake, appreciate it. A lot of people will never bother telling you where you went wrong. And that's more dangerous.
22. A lot of this job is going to be just data entry. Deal with it. A lot of people can't even get this right. Be careful.
23. If you are really smart, find a faster, accuracy retaining way of doing aforementioned data entry.
24. Oh wait! Are you telling me that that friend of yours from your classes dared to ask for an extra jalebi from the halvai and he got two of them?! Absolutely Free?! Guess what. Nobody cares.
25. No. I don't always take out "elsewhere ka frustration" on you. Sometimes, honey, its just you.
26. Your unnecessary arrogance and attitude is not a required or desired job skill.
27. It does not mean you succumb to bonded labor. Maintain your dignity. 
28. Apologize when wrong, give credit when due.
29. Stop talking. Learn to listen. 
30. Don't act two faced and be all nice to me. I couldn't care less what you think of me. 

Oh, and enjoy the ride, if you can ;)