A CA Student's handy guide to non verbal communication

No matter how important communication is in day to day professional and personal life, my Boss strongly believes that sending out proper invoices to clients for work done are so useless. Why waste precious white paper when old, parchment-yellow chits do the work just fine? Simply scribble an amount in pencil and send one of your bonded laborers articled assistants over, because future Chartereds need to know how to look and act like goons. 

Much Practical, Very Wow. 

This anti-communication stand works best if you're the kind of pansy ass pussy professional individual who hates confrontations or discussions. Why waste energy talking when you could simply make faces at your articles?! Let them play the guessing game. Work should be fun, no? 

As an ex-teenager, I'm not new to the whole I-hate-the-world-for-not-understanding-me-even-though-I-refuse-to-speak way of life, I'm well placed in this organisation to act as an unofficial (we don't really bother with formalities here, but you've already realized that?) translator to explain the workings of a mind as numb-fucked as my Boss' is. 

So, here is a list (Listicles aren't for hipsters anymore, are they? *sigh*) of the faces your boss makes and what to make of them. 

(If I was an American I'd have made tall claims like how this is the #1 list to improve interpersonal communication stuff, but well, its tough to improve on something non-existent, to be honest)  

1. Someone-shot-my-right-kneecap-face: Totaling Mistake, casting posting errors. Thou shalt work on thy calculator skills! Maybe don't have such thick fingers, looser!

2. Someone-shot-my-left-kneecap-face: Why on earth would you accidentally take a BRAND NEW printer page to print just a rough draft of something?! Whyyyy?!

3. The-Ball-Crusher-Pain-Face: You're the kind that plans their potty around work. Getting paid to poop is exhilarating. Guess what, Boss got a wind of your stinky stinky plans. It hurts him right where it should hurt the most! Your poopoo isn't meeting his expectations, is it?

4. Someone-twisted-my-arm-real-bad-face: Client gave you bad news, you gave it to Boss. Boss believes it's cool and hip to shoot the messenger. 

5.  Weird-cramp-in-my-calves-face: DATA LOST! DATA LOST! Don't touch anything. His Holiness is backed up by 100 legit hours of ITT (Information Technology Training) from the ICAI, oh wait, No, he isn't! Never mind. Well he's a first attempt CA after all, he will figure this shit out, eventually. Infinite Monkey universe typing out the entire Shakespeare is also almost possible. And we're an optimistic bunch of bobble heads!

6. Something-has-been-shoved-up-my-arse-face: You're wasting time. He is giving you the gift of gyaan, so much priceless gyaan he doesn't need to pay you a penny. And now look what you've done. You're on the phone again, aren't you? Throw that wretched bewitched metal thingy away man, Gyaan is being baatofied. What is wrong with you!?!

Or, maybe he's just looking the stuck up bitch he actually is. 

More explanations to be added as and when new faces are discovered.  

~Your friendly neighborhood translator, 

   WispySilver

Signs of being a "Vipasshi"

1. You can sit absolutely still for one hour. Pillows attached, of course.
2. Red pants, green kurta, brown jacket, purple dupatta and yellow umbrella. Enough said.
3. Estrogen overdose.
4. Poha everyday, eleven days, sometimes twice a day.
5. All the poha eating has put you off poha. As a Deshatha Brahmin eating Saada pohe, Kanda pohe, Batata pohe, Dadpe pohe, Taak pohe, Doodh pohe, hating pohe is huge dushkarma. Huge, huge dushkarma.
6. A big ass bell wakes you up.
7. Louie the Macchar luurvves you. Because you don't use Mortein for 10 days. The whole sheel of non-violence thingy. Okay I killed 7 baby roaches so let's just skip this one.
8. Awake before dawn, lunch before noon, and no dinner at all.
9. Warm ginger water, everyday, 10 days, 3 times a day.
10. You realize your body can digest food without an illuminated screen.
11. You are so bored you start practicing a french braid, and by the end of it, you are a pseudo-pro at it.
12. Laundry tags!
13. No mirror.
14. Hindi vocabulary overhaul.
15. Sannatta. Not even eye contact. For 10 days. Then you don't even recognize your voice!
16. All religions start getting referred to as "Darshnik manyata" and all rites and rituals become "karam-kand"
17. Aaaand... you go out in  search of peace and find happiness insted.

:)  
P.S. I absolutely loved my time there, and if there is anyone who'd like to know more about the course and what happens there, I'll be happy to help! However, if you have queries about the technique I'm not experienced enough to answer them.
Drop in a comment about life in there and I'll get back :)
P.P.S. I'm going to write a serious post about it. Eventually. I promise. ;)

Pictures from the Igatpuri center.