I've plunged into the depths of page number 2 of Google results to try and find an answer to dealing with parental silent treatment, but without results. Too many articles on dealing with spousal silent treatment, but what do you do when your oppressor (as harsh as it sounds, the word fails to do justice to what really happens) has an upper hand in your relationship?
My country was able to send an orbiter to Mars in the first attempt but we still don't know how to handle that thick silence that looms over every desi kid's adolescent and struggling years, what a shame!
So, backed up with years ofpain and frustration and suffocation extensive research, these are my typical ways of dealing with the silent cry for Indian respect demanded by the makers of you.
1. Usual suspects: It is a game of egotistical up-man-ship, a who-blinks-first saga unfolding in your own living room, so considering the fact you need their money over the next few years and would also enjoy an honorary, passing mention in their will, blink first. Send you sorry texts, emails, voice mails, random post its on mirrors, walls etc and see how it goes.
2. Accept that you suck. You failed them. Question your purpose in life. As an Indian kid, you had one job, ONE JOB! and you suck at it. Feel depressed, upset, annoyed, wonder why it is so difficult for people to talk. Contemplate suicide.
3. Weep. To quote Sarah Ockler, "Weeping is not the same as thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones left to hold you up."
Do this, feel empty, and then fill yourself empty self with ice cream. Or Chocolate. S'more ice cream! OR CHICKEN! Oh yeah. Chee-kaan!
4. Watch Mental Floss. It helps. Move to Denialsville, watch movies like Hum Saath Saath Hai or 2 States and convince yourself that happy endings are possible. I mean that dude did IIT, IIM and his parents still hated him for wanting to fuck a female who didn't match his jaat. In the end, love prevailed, he got BOTH the parties to agree to let them bang each other, holy matrimony, parental blessings, et all! You can deal with this man, this is nothing!
4. Realize that you're dealing with the absolute scum of humanity. What kind of person wants to play 'guess-why-I-hate-you' with a self conscious, overtly self critical 15 year old for months on end, when clearly, the game is no fun? The internetz describes such people as 'narcissistic', but lets be clear, scums the word!
5. Do what you want. It's not like they're going to say anything about it! (See what I did there?!)
6. Honestly, once you understand that they hate you, not matter what you do, it's liberating. Look, it's that one tiny thing you did ages ago, that makes them hate you. So everything else you do today is cool. You will be punished for this in around 20 years, when you'll be doing your kid's science projects and they'll withhold information from you about the right way to do it. But they'll probably be old and wrinkly, sitting in some neglected old age home by then, so it won't really matter.
7. At some point, you will be desperate, for human touch, companionship, affection, love, etc. Remember that there is nothing a big tub of Ice cream or a giant greasy pizza cannot cure. You've always earned it for still being alive. I promise.
8. Whenever you try getting help from relatives and other adults you wish you could trust and they dole out crap like, "You know, God could not be everywhere so he made parents instead" look them in the eye and say, "...and that is exactly why I'm an atheist."
9. Make a list all the expensive indulgences you want. In a weak moment of *silent* truce, (e.g., festivals and family functions, where your oppressor is forced to talk to you to keep the facade up, it's all about societal approval in the desi household, you know) be prepared to strike.
10. Take them on a guilt trip. Record yourself crying and howling and re-play that every night, at some point, they will hear it. (Statistics, byotch!). Leave out your diary for them to accidentally find out. When they are at their weakest, strike. Oh, that 10,000 rupee pro keratin treatment you wanted, now is a prefect time to ask. 2,000 rupee shoes, ask away. The Leprechaun will only dance for so long, you know, Indulge!
11. Go on tinder. The quantum of emotionally frustrated and desperate Indian boys will surprise you. They will compliment your non existent dimples and will also claim to love your ah-la-chewbacca back hair, cause you're amazing, just the way you are! *Croons* Strong self confidence boost initiated.
12. I mean it, nothing will make you feel more wanted than receiving compliments from random males. One nude selfie is a cheap prize to pay for something you're not getting at your aadarsh desi ghar. You've done all that you can to get parental approval, and when your demands aren't met one way, you look around for other sources. (Economics, byotch!) You've stooped low enough to pick a vocation you hate to please them, sending nude selfies for a few kind words is nothing. Absolutely nahh-aah-thing.
13. Listen to 'White Trash Beautiful' through the process.
14. Honestly, what can you do when someone refuses to even discuss the problem? Raising a child was a 20 year full time project they willfully undertook, and as sorry as you are that you suck, it gives them no right to emotionally scar you like that.
15. As always, writing a sassy blog piece helps.
Hey, someone had to justify this comic!
My country was able to send an orbiter to Mars in the first attempt but we still don't know how to handle that thick silence that looms over every desi kid's adolescent and struggling years, what a shame!
So, backed up with years of
1. Usual suspects: It is a game of egotistical up-man-ship, a who-blinks-first saga unfolding in your own living room, so considering the fact you need their money over the next few years and would also enjoy an honorary, passing mention in their will, blink first. Send you sorry texts, emails, voice mails, random post its on mirrors, walls etc and see how it goes.
2. Accept that you suck. You failed them. Question your purpose in life. As an Indian kid, you had one job, ONE JOB! and you suck at it. Feel depressed, upset, annoyed, wonder why it is so difficult for people to talk. Contemplate suicide.
3. Weep. To quote Sarah Ockler, "Weeping is not the same as thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones left to hold you up."
Do this, feel empty, and then fill yourself empty self with ice cream. Or Chocolate. S'more ice cream! OR CHICKEN! Oh yeah. Chee-kaan!
4. Watch Mental Floss. It helps. Move to Denialsville, watch movies like Hum Saath Saath Hai or 2 States and convince yourself that happy endings are possible. I mean that dude did IIT, IIM and his parents still hated him for wanting to fuck a female who didn't match his jaat. In the end, love prevailed, he got BOTH the parties to agree to let them bang each other, holy matrimony, parental blessings, et all! You can deal with this man, this is nothing!
4. Realize that you're dealing with the absolute scum of humanity. What kind of person wants to play 'guess-why-I-hate-you' with a self conscious, overtly self critical 15 year old for months on end, when clearly, the game is no fun? The internetz describes such people as 'narcissistic', but lets be clear, scums the word!
5. Do what you want. It's not like they're going to say anything about it! (See what I did there?!)
6. Honestly, once you understand that they hate you, not matter what you do, it's liberating. Look, it's that one tiny thing you did ages ago, that makes them hate you. So everything else you do today is cool. You will be punished for this in around 20 years, when you'll be doing your kid's science projects and they'll withhold information from you about the right way to do it. But they'll probably be old and wrinkly, sitting in some neglected old age home by then, so it won't really matter.
7. At some point, you will be desperate, for human touch, companionship, affection, love, etc. Remember that there is nothing a big tub of Ice cream or a giant greasy pizza cannot cure. You've always earned it for still being alive. I promise.
8. Whenever you try getting help from relatives and other adults you wish you could trust and they dole out crap like, "You know, God could not be everywhere so he made parents instead" look them in the eye and say, "...and that is exactly why I'm an atheist."
9. Make a list all the expensive indulgences you want. In a weak moment of *silent* truce, (e.g., festivals and family functions, where your oppressor is forced to talk to you to keep the facade up, it's all about societal approval in the desi household, you know) be prepared to strike.
10. Take them on a guilt trip. Record yourself crying and howling and re-play that every night, at some point, they will hear it. (Statistics, byotch!). Leave out your diary for them to accidentally find out. When they are at their weakest, strike. Oh, that 10,000 rupee pro keratin treatment you wanted, now is a prefect time to ask. 2,000 rupee shoes, ask away. The Leprechaun will only dance for so long, you know, Indulge!
11. Go on tinder. The quantum of emotionally frustrated and desperate Indian boys will surprise you. They will compliment your non existent dimples and will also claim to love your ah-la-chewbacca back hair, cause you're amazing, just the way you are! *Croons* Strong self confidence boost initiated.
12. I mean it, nothing will make you feel more wanted than receiving compliments from random males. One nude selfie is a cheap prize to pay for something you're not getting at your aadarsh desi ghar. You've done all that you can to get parental approval, and when your demands aren't met one way, you look around for other sources. (Economics, byotch!) You've stooped low enough to pick a vocation you hate to please them, sending nude selfies for a few kind words is nothing. Absolutely nahh-aah-thing.
13. Listen to 'White Trash Beautiful' through the process.
14. Honestly, what can you do when someone refuses to even discuss the problem? Raising a child was a 20 year full time project they willfully undertook, and as sorry as you are that you suck, it gives them no right to emotionally scar you like that.
15. As always, writing a sassy blog piece helps.
Hey, someone had to justify this comic!
Thank you :)
ReplyDelete